No cookies in Hibernation

It's the end of the day, I'm about hit the friendly key combination of alt+f4 twice and send my computer into hibernation when suddenly from under the table.

“Stop, Don't shut me down, I still have stuff to do.”

Through the acrylic panel a dim red glow annexes the darkness around the full tower, the familiar tone of 2500rpm encapsulates the otherwise silent room.

“Like What” I immediately reply Having every intention of ignoring the latest 'Important update reminder' Microsoft has so diligently created in an effort stop what they have deemed cyber-terrorists, and go right to the power button.

“Every night you put me to sleep even when I have work to do, or when I'm not even tired, and since you disconnected me from the local network I don't even have any other computers to talk to, come on, I mean when am I supposed to do updates and defrag? You never let me do them while your working.

“Well I cant keep you on all night that 700 watt power supply of yours will run up the power bill.”

“Nice try dumb-ass, you spent that extra money on a switching power supply remember, I don't use that much energy.”

All this time I have spent with a can of compressed air and BIOS update tools and this is how my computer repays me, he calls me a dumb-ass.

“Next time you play World of Warcraft I'm downloading every update I can find, Jackass, Oh and I'm disabling alt+tab.”

I decide to go ahead and let windows do its thing while I read through the days /. articles and of course check out the new FARK Headlines.

As I read the various captions, my mind wanders through four years of endless video games, three versions of windows and more LAN Parties than I even care to admit I have been to. I stop and think about how many gigabytes internet explorer and Firefox have downloaded. Yeah sure have had some good times with this rig.

“Remember when you were fast, when you were the talk of everyone at the LAN Party. When you were the host of all the quake and counterstrike servers? When all the ladies dropped by any LAN we were at just to check out your awesome mods and get some of your sweet sweet frame-rates. Don't know how you didn't overheat with your case full of all those ladies hotel keys and underpants.

“Yeah those were the day.... wait what do you mean was fast, I still am. Well, well relatively that is. I mean, I'll still blow the back side buss off of those pieces of shit mega powered abacuses Smell computers imports from India or wherever.

Hold up I saw what you were doing on-line this afternoon, casing out Newegg and Directron. Your not thinking about replacing me are you?”

I laugh look down and examine the scar on my left ring finger recalling when it got clipped by the CPU fan.

“You try and take me apart, and I'll do it again.” The CPU Fan revs.

I chuckle, trying to avoid the question, as the vibrations of a 10,000RPM hard drive tick away. “Maybe I should have done more push ups up there on stage at quakecon for another video card so I could squeeze some more time out of you.”

“What does that matter now, I'm just as fast as I ever have been, maybe even faster. Come on load up Far Cry 2, I'll show you I've got some juice left in these memory banks.

I reluctantly navigate to the executable file of Far Cry 2, and double click, all the while knowing this computers days as a Windows machine were limited. What the hell, lets see what the old rig can do I raise the default settings to medium quality and pray for the best.



Thanks Will Wheaton for giving me this great idea modified version of the Wesley dialogues over at wwdn