The Unwriten Rules

Ok three finals down one to go and I know that everyone is wondering about this (brief encounter in the bathroom), well I think its time to share.


The men’s Bathroom, a place of both wonder and awe. Sometimes small, sometimes large, and more often then not, smelling of dirty feet, these places of relief inhabit a unique breed of human known as the man.

So every guy holds in his hart a unique love for porcelain on walls, of course I am talking about a urinal. A symbol of power and ease, it stands for the “standing” of man. However unknown to the common species of female, this device of ease is not simple contraption. It holds an unwritten set of rules spanning across the entire world. Remember them well as you read this story.


Fill out odd urinals first, and then evens
Head down, eyes are your goods.
For the sake of god, don't stand four feet away from the urinal.
Hands on your meat, not on your cell phone.
Old people have right-of-way.
More PP less talkie, keep the conversation to yourself.

The above rules need not apply at sporting events or when circumstances merit a need.

Let me set the scene for you. Mid afternoon in the middle of a magnetic lab, Mother Nature calls, a quick gesture to the rest of your lab group as they copy your work, signals the inability to contain Niagara Falls any longer. Quickly walking down the freshly waxed hallway of the third floor new science building, a florcent light flickered on and of its down is last hours of life. Around the corner, past the (water fountains) the little man image seemed to greet me as I pushed the door open. Choosing the end wall potty “of three”. Well you know the rest, Untilllllll

The swing of the door filled the ceramic warshroom as footy steps soon followed……….. Before my mind could comprehend the totality of the situation the adjacent cell was occupied. “Now normally I would have followed the unwritten ten commandments of the only place females seldom venture into. However as this genius next to me (thank god separated by a divider) had so gratuitously defied the rules I decided to sneak peek at the “Rocket Scientist” that had chosen the very worst spot do his duty in.

My eyes slowly lifted from down under, up to starring into the adventurous filled scenes of the white 4X4 tile, one two three grout lines. Creeping ever so cautiously over, just a little more almost there, and then it happened. There standing next to me, one hand on the wall the other wellllllllll, was My PHYSICS professor “the Nuclear Physicist”. A man of older age blurred Asian-English slang, and most likely the most difficult professor on campus. The One who holds my passing or failing of Engineering Physics I, and II.

Video from the movie "Deep blue Sea" of the smartest man in the world tinkeling into the wind splashed through my mind as a quick smile came over my face. I wondered to myself had this man just broken the golden rules I mean he must have known them, there was a perfectly good wall toilet just a once cell down. Fear ran through my veins, “what if he breaks more rules and asks some physics question about the trajectory of urine or something” or what if…. Why won’t the smart man gooo away……the little man inside my twirling brain kept repeating.

Luckily he did not break any more rules but, I took my time making sure he was the first to leave, therefore eliminating the awkward chance of the washing of hands in the sink neighboring.

Backtracking around the corner taking a glance to make sure the coast was clear (no physics profs. Were around, I proceeded with haste back to the lab, and that has been the only time I have been happy to see a lab setup.

Soo in other words come on fellas, learn your unwritten rules, not everyday is a Baseball game.